My paws are dirty. I’ve been walking around in the mud. I don’t feel good about it. I can’t seem to clean my feet and I’m tracking all over the rug.

In the past month I have started a number of posts only to stop in the middle before further effort made me vomit.

The mother of all bile is running at the top of the Republican ticket.

So what are your children learning from all this? Plenty. First and foremost how to succeed, how to win, how to get rich and famous – and perhaps even how to become President of the United States of America. Here are the characteristics they need to develop:

Your child needs to learn to be arrogant. Never mind self-esteem, self-confidence, pride, vanity, hubris, egocentrism, or even arrogance as most of us normally perceive and detest it. No. Don’t stop there. Until you have become, in your heart, mind, and soul, a full-blown, pathological narcissist, those who have reached that pinnacle will still be able to deprive you of what you deserve: everything, regardless of who has it now or who gets hurt in the taking. This includes the money, property, dignity, or even the spouse of anyone whose possessions you covet.

Your child needs to learn to be an unmitigated, unabashed, unashamed, unrepentant, compulsive, serial liar. This works wonders, because given that no one is perfectly honest, least of all those running for office, you can use a few of their fabrications to justify a constant, unremitting stream of deceits, innuendos, libels, slanders, and outright lies, without any restraint whatsoever, because a frighteningly large percentage of the citizens of this country will embrace those lies with the fervor of gaunt, bloody-mouthed hyenas devouring maggot-encrusted meat.

Your child needs to learn to be greedy. After all, as the man who might be President in two days has said, “You can never be too greedy.” So take everything you can take, even if it means getting involved in three lawsuits a week for your entire career. Or if it means defrauding, cheating, intimidating, or extorting  anyone and everyone who gets in your way, including men, women, children, teenage girls, or elderly widows. Even if it means cultivating ties with the Mafia or setting up sham universities or sham charitable foundations which are simply vehicles for enriching yourself.

Even if it means failing to pay those who work for you or provide you goods or services, stiffing teenage girls who model for your agency, or hiring illegal, undocumented workers and marrying a potential First Lady whose nude photos triggered an investigation which found that she had broken immigration law by modeling illegally in the United States while here on a visa on which she was not allowed to legally work. But she got paid, so take the money and run.

While you’re at it, pretend to give to charities you don’t support and weasel out of paying any federal income taxes. Claim to be a philanthropist and a patriot while you are actually a moneygrubber and a subverter. This is where being an unmitigated, unabashed, unashamed, unrepentant, compulsive, serial liar helps.

Your child needs to learn to be a hypocrite. Call anyone who has ever lied a liar. Call generous people greedy. Commit actual criminal acts and later slander you opponent by libelously calling her a criminal. Hire a man you said committed multiple felonies to lead your transition team, a man whose top aids, including a mother of  four children, are headed for the slammer while he walks.

Accuse your female opponent of the spectacularly dishonest and completely unfounded charge of adultery while being a serial philanderer, cheater, and sexual abuser who has bragged about sexual assault and now spreads lies about the dozen women who have accused him of exactly what he bragged about doing. And while you’re on your high horse, engage publically in disgusting conversations about your wife and agree publically that your daughter is a nice “piece of ass.” And daydream about dating her and about dating 14-year-old and 10-year-old girls.

Stand on stage as though you are Johnny Depp and insult the looks of every woman who disagrees with you, from Rosie O’Donnell to Carly Fiorina to Alicia Machado, and go on record as being unimpressed by your opponent’s shape as viewed from behind. You’re running for President, you f–king a–hole!

Essentially, project every negative characteristic you have and every evil and reprehensible act you have ever committed on anyone who in any way opposes or disagrees with you. Call your opponent an elitist, a liar, arrogant, an adulterer, greedy, a hypocrite, temperamental, unqualified, dangerous, a criminal, a con artist, a racist, and anything else your diseased mind can conjure up which defines yourself and will deflect attention away from the fact that you are the most ignorant, unqualified, pathological, narcissistic, sociopathic, quasi-fascist, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, inveterately evil con artist and scumbag ever to run for President in the entire history of our nation.

Hypocrisy is such a weak word.

Your child needs to avoid ever learning the word shame. Your child needs to learn the simple fact that having any shame for ever doing anything, no matter how reprehensible, is merely a sign of weakness of character, and may cause this child to lose, the only sin one can ever commit.

Your child needs to learn that learning is bad. Ignorance is a virtue. Don’t read, don’t study, don’t prepare, don’t pay attention to anyone or anything that isn’t paying attention to you. The fact that the Brexit vote is pending or that Russia has invaded Crimea or the names of the leaders of other countries in the world or being able to locate them on a map or understanding the basics of American government or governance or reading the Constitution or having even the vaguest clue of what’s in it or having even a rudimentary understanding of the norms of human relationships or expected standards of comportment are all irrelevant wastes of time that could be better used to abuse women or girls or satisfy other pressing lusts or bask in the bright lights of publicity, self-aggrandizement, and superficial, unearned glory.

Preen and prance like a county fair cock while others clean the barn so you can gather the eggs before the other chickens come home to roost in a coop you have co opted for your own self-serving ends. And while you’re at it be a chickenshit coward who’s afraid to admit that he isn’t perfect and that he doesn’t know jack.

Your child needs to learn to be un-American. The Constitution and Bill of Rights contains a series of suggestions, to be ignored when the fortunes of the Chief Executive are at stake. All treaties, agreements, and promises, both domestic and international, are subject to the whims of the President, who now has a new collection of powers never before conceived of by anyone in any branch of our government, but which are, starting Friday, January 20,  to be enacted solely at the will and whim of the pathological narcissist who has been able to “unrig” the election and seize control.

Elections are now to be decided by assuming any your opponents are prima facie unqualified criminals who are to be jailed or executed for their audacity in opposing you, or at the very least removed from the race. And if the “rigged” system allows them to win, the peaceful transfer of power is to be placed in jeopardy.

All citizens, heretofore considered equal, are to be summarily placed in discriminatory categories and ranked on the basis of race, religion, ethnic origin, size, shape, weight, gender, and general pulchritude.

Parents, your child has a lot to learn.

Your child needs to learn to be racist and xenophobic. Let’s face it: Mexicans rape, deal drugs, and litigate unfairly against European whites. Blacks are cop killers who shouldn’t be allowed to live in apartments next to whites. Blacks who are arrested for crimes are automatically guilty and should suffer the death penalty even in a state which has abandoned it. And if any convicted black is later proven to be innocent, the criminal justice system is also rigged.

Muslims are terrorists and shouldn’t be allowed to enter our country. Nor are American Muslims to be afforded the same Constitutional rights as other Americans. Their places of worship must be surveilled and their neighborhoods watched.

We can break any and all treaties that involve “foreign” powers (except those signed with Putin), randomly kill any “ferriner” whom we even vaguely perceive to be a threat, and consider the use of nuclear weapons against any nation not having the initials U.S.A.

If you learn this lesson well, your first major campaign ad will be sponsored by a hate group, you will be the darling of the alt-right and white supremacist groups such as Breitbart, virulent racists such as Ted Nugent and Steve King, as well as more subtle racists such as Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and Rudy Giuliani. And a puzzlingly large percentage of your supporters will be outright racists.

Most impressively, you will get the endorsement of David Duke and the Ku Klux Klan.

Finally, your child needs to learn to be misogynistic. Women, as we all know, are generally fat, shrill, mouthy, disgusting people who have disgusting menstrual periods and the disgusting habits of going to the bathroom and nursing their babies. Fortunately, their Constitutional rights may well rest on their ratings on a scale of 1-10.

But, whether some of us think it is politically incorrect to admit it or not, Hillary Clinton is female. She is the first woman in our history to have been nominated by a major party for the position of President of our country.

And she is facing an unprecedented expectoration of opposition from the patriarchy that still controls our nation. Let’s look at some background on that. Though about half of America is and always has been female…

  • The leaders of our first colonies were male.
  • All of our Presidents have been males who defeated other males in the general election.
  • Most of our governing bodies at all levels are male-dominated. The United States Congress, for example, currently has a record number of females, amounting to 20% of the House and 20% of the Senate.
  • The Supreme Court currently contains a record number of women – one-third. The appointment of the ninth justice is currently being blocked by powerful males obstructing the Constitutional obligations of the Senate. The current nominee is male.
  • Virtually all of our major military leaders have been male.
  • Our private-sector executive hierarchies have been and continue to be overwhelmingly male.
  • Our workforces have been historically male-dominated.
  • The majority of our doctors have been and still are male; the majority of our nurses are female.
  • To a great extent both star and earning power in Hollywood is strongly skewed toward males.
  • Elementary schools have historically been staffed by females and secondary and post- secondary schools by males.
  • I could go on for pages, but I am trying to keep this short. BOTTOM LINE: All of the major decisions that affect the lives of women are made by males.

So what is the specific relevance of this to the current state of the presidential election?

This is where I am pissed off no end.

Hillary Clinton, a female, has currently had reckless statements made about her by the ever-bumbling James Comey, the male, Clouseau-like Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. He says he has found something that might or might not be important. But it is important for this male to take the action of informing fourteen congressional males and two congressional females in direct violation of FBI protocol and possibly the law itself, as were some of his previous actions. I suggest that everyone read the Lanny Davis article of October 29 in The Hill entitled Lanny Davis: Comey’s actions improper, irresponsible and possibly illegal.

In addition to the Republican attack males, male Vladimir Putin and his male cohorts, including male Julian Assange are acting as de facto Trump surrogates and de facto Speakers of the House to take control of the American electoral process. Perhaps U.S.A!, U.S.A!, U.S.A! should be replaced by K.G.B!, K.G.B!, K.G.B!

Male bootlicker Paul Ryan, male attack dog Jason Chaffetz, male partisan Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte, male rabid, partisan attack dog Darrlell Issa, male Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, male, rabidly radical narcissist Trey Gowdy, male, unhinged Rudy Giuliani, and a host of other males are currently issuing downright orgiastic, irresponsible, democracy-devaluing, self-indulgent statements based on an almost total lack of evidence and several outright lies.

Please excuse me for characterizing these people this way. I don’t like to have to do it, but being gentle at this point is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight. Anyway, I don’t think Job himself could be patient in the face of what these people have said and done.

In the meantime, males such as John McCain and Chaffetz are campaigning on investigating and obstructing Hillary Clinton’s presidency were she to be elected, including any nominations she might make to fill any and all Supreme Court vacancies.

Also, a number of prominent males have discussed, before the election has even been decided, impeachment. Scumbags feeding this reprehensible and unmitigatedly destructive notion include male John Hostettler, male Representative Mo Brooks, Republican from Alabama, and a number of male supporters of Donald Trump.

One of the most stunningly outrageous, reprehensible things I have heard in a lifetime of following campaigns was the statement of a a male commentator who said that a good reason to vote against Secretary Clinton is that she may be constantly hindered in performing her duties by the string investigations by her opponents that is being considered, though he could not deny the partisan, frivolous, and destructive nature of these plans.

Trump’s opponents, on the other hand, will probably be more willing to reach across the aisle to do the work of the people. In other words, once again, reward the perpetrators and punish the victim. Punish those who pledge to cooperate and reward the obstructers for their obstinacy. Let them use the most classic techniques of the bully to get their way. And we wonder where Trump came from. I’m not puzzled here. Not at all.

Now: we hear BREAKING NEWS! on television all the time, and millions of words are written every day. But I have not yet heard anyone effectively make the following case:

Virtually all of Hillary Clinton’s negative reputation with the exception of the email scandal was caused by the males around her.

Her husband, the male Bill Clinton, put her in difficult and precarious positions throughout their relationship. This selfish, self-aggrandizing, lying sexual predator dragged her through more dog shit than I could produce in a lifetime. During his term as President he shamed her while he shamed our nation.

Since then, this male has been a gaggle of albatrosses around her neck, including foolish things he has said and done recently.

Most men buy their wives necklaces of diamonds or pearls. This boar would recognize neither. This male used and abused her, and for his actions she has paid dearly and daily.

In the face of all of it, she has always mustered the courage and loyalty to support him, even too vigorously at times, but the price she has paid for this courage and loyalty has been a horrible tainting and an unjust diminishing of the positive perceptions of the public service she has attempted to provide throughout her career and may yet prove fatal to her desire to serve America as it’s first female President.

Enter male Anthony Weeny. Because he can’t stop exposing his penis to children, Hillary is now paying, once again, dearly and daily, perhaps until November 8th when she loses the election under the weight of his sins added to those of her husband. And added to those of the multitude of other males whose deepest desires undoubtedly revolve around the preservation of the pecking order and their position in it.

The new emails are very likely to be either redundant or irrelevant or both. But their reemergence at this critical time due to the perversions of the male Weeny and the misconduct of the male Comey may cost Hillary dearly.

And what about misogynistic male Donald Trump? This con artist has a lifetime resume of serial lying and abuse, fraud, the encouragement of and a troubling fascination with violence, obscene, unapologetic greed, illegal activities and questionable connections, active racism, operative spite, and sexual predation, including forcing his way into a locker room full of naked teenage girls and, again, referring to his daughter as a “piece of ass.”

And this pathological male is supported by a rogues’ list of males that would scare the hell out of any woman alone in a dark alley.

NOTE: All of the above characterizations of Donald Trump are true, documented, verifiable, and legally demonstrable, as opposed to the wild, reckless, libelous, slanderous lies that Trump disgorges at Secretary Clinton each and every day of his campaign.

Yes, Hillary Clinton has her faults, as do all human beings and all politicians. And yes, at times she has misled and even lied. And yes, she made a big mistake with the issues around her private server.

That being said, her record stands in distinctly positive contrast to those of her opponents, particularly those whose lives revolve around obstruction and spite. In terms of her major opponent, this puppy believes that comparing Hillary Clinton to Donald Trump is like comparing a Golden Retriever to a herpes virus.

I don’t think I’m even approaching hyperbole when I say that Hillary Clinton, with all of her faults, is a veritable angel when stood beside the frightening number of disgusting, male scumbags who currently hold positions of leadership which they consistently use to benefit themselves while feasting on the very soul of our nation.

Let’s get real. Let’s play the gender card. Let’s elect the first woman President of the United States of America.

And, while we’re playing the gender card, lets play the race, tolerance, fairness, compassion, justice, honor, patriotism, altruism, humility, curiosity, education, reading, training, preparedness, and truth cards. Let’s play all our cards. We have a royal flush.

But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ve recently contracted rabies but don’t know it yet. I don’t know. I’m just a puzzled puppy.

(Revised 11/8.)